It’s been a while since I last blogged about my life, online and I think that there’s no other better time to do this than now. It’s been exactly 1 month since he went away. And I can only say that I miss him a lot. As in BIG TIME. I dunno if I’m starting to get crazy but ever since he went away for his job, he never left my mind. He was always there. No matter how busy I am, there’s always that one corner in my mind where thoughts of him sits. It’s like, he’s trapped in my mind but it’s clear that I’m the one trapped with thoughts of him. When I’m stressed out from work or I get depressed about something, I just try to remember his face, how he smiled at me, how he asked me to slow dance with him, how he looked deep in my eyes, how he gently held me, and I feel happy again.
Yes, I’m in love.
Again.
But, things are different when I’m with him. I know I’ve been in love with several guys. Bad boys to be exact. But this guy is far from them. He’s a bad boy with good intentions. I remember this one time, when we were in the LRT, a maniac man standing behind me was trying to get close to me and “stuff” and you know what he did? He started shouting and getting all hysterical in public. He was even asking for a fight. If I was not standing in front of him, God knows what could have happened. To think that the man’s built was even bigger than him. I can feel the tension rising between the two of them and I got really scared. He was telling me to move so that he could give the man a quick punch in the face. Good thing the train came and I literally pushed him to get inside, just to cool down the heat of the moment. Both of us were silent the whole ride. Then when we were in Carriedo station he told me to go down. That wasn’t even our stop. But because he was still mad at me for not moving when he told me too, I just followed him. I was not very familiar with the place but I know that we were headed to Quiapo church. When we entered the church, he knelt before Papa Jesus, then we went to this secret room which is not so familiar to most people. He prayed. Intently. And slowly, his face started to look calm. Then he looked at me. Smiling. Wiping the sweat on my face. And he said sorry for the way he acted earlier. And that he doesn’t want anything happening to me or anyone hurting me in any way. Then he gave me a tour in the church where most people visited when they have wishes. I was observing him. This was the side of him that I didn’t know. He was deeply rooted in his faith. Then he told me, “Alam mo Mina, sa puntong to, wala na akong hihilingin pa. Nagagawa ko na lahat ng gusto ko pero may kulang.” I asked him what could that be, then he held the feet of Jesus, he closed his eyes, he held my hand, then he whispered, “Lord, kayo na po bahala kay Mina pag-alis ko. Ingatan niyo po siya. Siya na lang po kulang eh. Sana siya na po talaga.” I was really shocked. I turned to him then I saw him looking at Papa Jesus, then his grip got stronger, then he let my hand go.
My feeling at that very moment was priceless. I felt so important and appreciated and loved. Before we left the place, I also prayed in my head. I wished that what we had would never end.
There’s something about him that I couldn’t resist. Maybe it’s because when he looks at me, he sees my soul. He understands me and he makes sure that I’m always okay. And when I’m not okay, he just makes things better. He knows what I need. He gives me what I want. And when things go from bad to worse, he knows how to fix things. And everything feels good. He doesn’t want me to worry about things, he wants me to leave all the worrying to him. And for the first time, it just feels good that someone else is doing all the effort.
In what ever angle I look at it, I know that this guy is different from the rest. Even if I know that i can’t give him what he deserved, he never fail to make me feel that I am every ounce of what he truly deserved. And that despite my imperfections (especially compared to all his beautiful exes), he loves me for every zit I have on my face, for every fault i did in my past and for every flaw I have in my body.
I don’t know if this love could last forever. But I know that what we have right now, I wouldn’t dare change it for the world. And that, I miss him so bad.:(
(Source: c-lassy, via nataliechokbengboun)
